The Laundry Pit

I'm frustrated.
I've vented a little bit on my Faceb**k page about this with the family I have associations with....and I am talking about family.

Family is what you're born into. You don't have any choice in the matter, really.
Your parents have some choice; they decided to have kids. That is where their choices end.

You don't get to menu-item your children (at least not yet- and I don't think you should) for what they will look like, act like, think like or be when they are grown. You don't get to. That's part of the gamble, folks.

So- You're born into a family. You show up.
Screaming.
Goopy.
Upset.
It's their job to care for you.

You grow up, you become who and what you are- both due to internal and external influences.

They don't get to vote you off the 'island' or 'team', or out of the family because you didn't conform to their preconceived ideas, right?

Uh, in my family, it's not a family- it's a membership.
You join- involuntarily, and you're on probationary status with no guidelines, bylaws or clues as to what's going to get you thrown out- until you do something that gets you thrown out.
Oh, and they call themselves "Christians".....all evidence to the contrary.

And....AND....if you're thrown out- you're automatically shunned by ALL of them. Not just the people that created you and raised you (think there might be some influences in those two factors, hmmm?) there begins a petition or a campaign, if you will.....to excommunicate you.

You might as well fall off the face of the earth.

Nasty lies will be spread.
Hateful emails will be sent.
Whispers behind your back, stories of half-truths (or no truths) will circulate.
You....do not get to discuss this. You, do not get to defend yourself.
You, are done. Gone. Worthless in their eyes.
Don't even THINK about showing up with fruitcake or fudge during the Holidays.
You are now known as "she-that-shall-not-be-named."
Hmph.

Perhaps what incites me at the moment, as I really don't try to think about this much, are two things;

1. It's the Holidays again. Holidays is synonymous with 'family' and 'togetherness'. I've had many Christmases alone in recent years. I'm unclean. Heathen. I'm (gasp) divorced.

2. I came across an email to my eldest, from the woman who holds the biological title of being my mother (I reserve my opinion as to whether she deserves it or not as she often told me she wished she hadn't had me).....about a 'family' reunion.

Uh. Point of order, Madam Tyrant?

It's not a 'family' reunion. Don't call it that when half the family is excluded, intentionally.
It's a "membership meeting".
It's a "club meeting" -it's an exclusive get-together of those willing to abide by the snooty, self-centered, and hurtful actions/behaviors and statements that circulate about those of us who share the biology- but aren't 'worthy' according to those in 'command' of the situation.

Madam Tyrant, your emails to the rest of the 'club' and even the outcasts- are inciteful.
I know you enjoy it....but, uh...it makes you out to be a real b*tch.

So. I'm not included.
I wasn't part of this big email campaign about this 'reunion' taking place in the town I live in.
IN. THE. TOWN. I. LIVE. IN.
Not across the state, not across the country, (repeating rapidly): in-the-town-I-live-in.

Now, I'm not invited. I'm deliberately excluded. I have a feeling if I showed up, someone would call the sheriff and ask to have me escorted off the property. Sounds like a real warm bunch, doesn't it? Funny thing- I know most of the cops, sheriffs. I'm a good cook- they like me.

They, being the Emporer and his Madam Tyrant (my parents) invited my daughter.
However....as a point of controversy; I'm not to know that.
They invited my daughter....and the plan is to keep the plan from me.

Two summers ago they snuck her out under my radar and had her, and her dad (no big stretch for him) lie to me about where she was and who she was with.

Nevermind her dad and I agreed my parents are "toxic" and she shouldn't be alone with them.
Case in point; She came back from this visit with MY PARENTS using phrases to describe me such as:

"Unholy." "Immoral." "Unstable." "Mentally Ill." "Unfit." "Liar." "Parasite."

Oh. Really.
Funny, those citing me a liar.....lied to me, and TOLD and ENCOURAGED my own child to lie.
Does anybody else smell that rotten, putrid stench?

So...now...the invitation list has gone out....and it's not a FAMILY REUNION.
It's a club. Much like the clubs that exclude certain races or ethnic backgrounds. Much like the clubs that don't allow people of different faith, ideals, thought or feeling.

It's not just that the club is closed to that....they aren't even open to discussing things.
If you don't agree with 'the club'...and what 'the club' and it's 'masters' think......

It's not that you're just not allowed to disagree.......
You don't exist.
You don't matter.
You don't count.
You're just plain wrong.

Always. Forever. No matter what.

You have a glass of wine at a wedding when you're 30? Oh! How heathen!
Nevermind that the person criticizing you publicly at a table of 8, (my father) goes and works on his sizeable belly every hunting and fishing trip he goes on.....working his way to the bottom of a cache of Budwe*ser.

Hey, Pot? Meet Kettle. Kettle has good taste in wine.

I have an issue with this situation.
I have an issue with being 'voted out' of my family, which I really had no choice of being put into, to begin with.
I have an issue with this 'club' thinking they can access my children- at will- and influence them to think in the same small-minded, thoughtless, evil, hurtful, and UnChristian way.
I have an issue that my name is on my girls' birth certificates.......not theirs---and they think they can override that.

I also have an issue with the 'sheep' in this club that just go along with things to avoid angering or being 'voted off' themselves. Is this club really that great? I don't want back in, but for crying out loud, PLEASE SHUT UP, and leave my children alone.

Wouldn't it be a pretty BLAH club if the only club members were the two or three tyrants?

What if the rest of the 'club' refused to play?
What if the rest of the 'family' actually acted like decent human beings....and did what they thought was right....or at least acted civil and human.....rather than going along with the bad ideas of the leaders, just because.

I cite the situation in California:
A girl was raped, beaten and brutalized.
More than 20 people stood and watched.
People joined in because it appeared to be the 'status quo'...and it was STILL WRONG.
People stood by....because they can't think for themselves.

I think for myself. I make mistakes- but I think for myself. I'm not a sheep- never have been.
I'm not a member of this 'herd' of snobs.
Somehow....I think I'm better off not being a 'member'...but I'm still part of this wreck of a 'family' whether they like it or not.

My children, are mine. Period.
I think I need to make some points known, in a larger way than just this blog.

Hmmm. Time to think.