I've not blogged for a while as I've been busy.
The fates...have decided I needed to blog, and in a perfect storm of dog hair, cat fur, broken electronics, giggling girls, and one FedEx man..... well...Shit.
Last night we went to dinner with friends (at their house) with their 100+ pound dog, Boon. It was a good time....and I came home, made up a drink, watched a movie with the husband, and went to bed.
This morning, I got up....and we had the following plans.....(and this probably should have tipped me off I was tempting Hell to come visit me today....)
1. Tom was to pick up a friends' dog this a.m. as they are out of town- and driving back/forth to their place to check on the dog was counter-productive (plus the dog would shred most of their house by day 3). We have Hamilton, so we figured as long as the dog (his name is Bodie) had his shots- this would be good socialization for Hamilton and perhaps he'd work off some energy and teethy-time with someone besides us!
2. Logan was having a sleepover. A girlfriend had invited her to a birthday party, which was then rescheduled due to a snowstorm- and the rescheduling double-booked Logan for one Saturday with multiple birthday parties, and she couldn't do both. So, the party that she didn't get to go to- and the birthday girl she missed out on, was invited to do a sleepover with us.
3. I had sewing to do.
What actually happened was a Saturday Night Live skit gone hellishly wrong:
1. Bodie is not used to cats. We have two cats that have worked out a compromising existence with our Great Dane puppy in that they don't kill him when he's not looking, but they don't like him either. Bodie evidently chases cats, at high speed. The cats are used to being 'followed' by Hamilton, who is not quick, nor agile. Hamilton is the goofy, uncoordinated kid in this house- with sharp teeth. Bodie is 80# and fast, and black, and quick....and thinks the cats would make good squeaky toys....and the cats aren't used to that type of ninja-like dog.
2. Logan's girlfriend, who evidently is one of a litter of children in her house, came over and with the dog/cat situation I figured it was better to put the girls up in Logan's room, with something to do (read: TV or video games) to keep them 'self-contained' and out of the chaos of dogs/cats. Well....here's where things went from complicated to nuclear:
- Logan gets grounded for not doing chores or homework, etc. and loses her TV/DVD and after the last situation, she lost it indefinately. So- the TV/DVD/VCR has been in my office where I've used it to test discs and watch a movie half-heartedly while working (swap 'half-heartedly' with either 'movie watching' or 'working'--- it doesn't matter) so getting it back into Logan's room requires unplugging 2 power cords, 1 coaxial cable, and 1 a/v cable, and shifting the little table the 2 components sit on.
- I had the TV in my arms and the doorbell rang.
- Now....add in the fact that due to the dog/cat chaos...I had put Hamilton into his crate in my bedroom to keep him out of trouble/danger and out from underfoot. He is NOT happy about this and despite having a puppy k*ng with a dog biscuit smeared in peanut butter...he's barking/yelping/shrieking in frustration anyway.
- Add the doorbell and two giggly girls, and one larger dog.....to the equation of me in the office holding a TV trying to undo 4 cords/cables.....
- I turned, to set down the TV and caught the corner of the DVD/VCR component with the power cord from the TV (no, campers- I did not try to move this with things CONNECTED- I'm not THAT blonde) and the DVD/VCR slid off the table and crashed to the ground. Hmph.
-I darted out into the hallway, holding the TV, to see the girls (both are 8 years old) answering the door (which my daughter knows she's not supposed to do- it's a rule in our house- plus we're training the dog to react to the door....) and it's the FedEx guy who set my NEW SEWING MACHINE at the door and before I could react to it...the girls have opened the door and are now carting in my NEW SEWING MACHINE and trying to handle it like a couple of tipsy sorority girls carrying a baby grand piano.......
......SO.....let's turn this into a math equation as it's now like a very bad, scary, no-good story problem from hell:
1 Frazzled Mom
+ 2 giggly girls
+ 1 puppy aged 11 weeks
+ 1 large black 80-pound dog who chases cats
+ one short-tempered Siamese cat who doesn't like to be chased
+ one psychotic Burmese known for shredding people when he's chased by a dog
+ one 18" television set
+ one DVD/VCR combo
+ two power cords
+ an audio/video cable
+ one coaxial cable
+ one FedEx guy
+ one doorbell
+ a couple house rules
+ one NEW SEWING MACHINE
+ two girls with no coordination nor common sense......
See...this just equals HELL.
Where was my husband in all this?
Outside.
In the back yard.
By himself.
Shoveling snow and dog poop.
This.....is....what....happens...when....I....don't.....blog.
I now have a 20 oz cocktail and my hearing aids turned off. (sigh)
The fates...have decided I needed to blog, and in a perfect storm of dog hair, cat fur, broken electronics, giggling girls, and one FedEx man..... well...Shit.
Last night we went to dinner with friends (at their house) with their 100+ pound dog, Boon. It was a good time....and I came home, made up a drink, watched a movie with the husband, and went to bed.
This morning, I got up....and we had the following plans.....(and this probably should have tipped me off I was tempting Hell to come visit me today....)
1. Tom was to pick up a friends' dog this a.m. as they are out of town- and driving back/forth to their place to check on the dog was counter-productive (plus the dog would shred most of their house by day 3). We have Hamilton, so we figured as long as the dog (his name is Bodie) had his shots- this would be good socialization for Hamilton and perhaps he'd work off some energy and teethy-time with someone besides us!
2. Logan was having a sleepover. A girlfriend had invited her to a birthday party, which was then rescheduled due to a snowstorm- and the rescheduling double-booked Logan for one Saturday with multiple birthday parties, and she couldn't do both. So, the party that she didn't get to go to- and the birthday girl she missed out on, was invited to do a sleepover with us.
3. I had sewing to do.
What actually happened was a Saturday Night Live skit gone hellishly wrong:
1. Bodie is not used to cats. We have two cats that have worked out a compromising existence with our Great Dane puppy in that they don't kill him when he's not looking, but they don't like him either. Bodie evidently chases cats, at high speed. The cats are used to being 'followed' by Hamilton, who is not quick, nor agile. Hamilton is the goofy, uncoordinated kid in this house- with sharp teeth. Bodie is 80# and fast, and black, and quick....and thinks the cats would make good squeaky toys....and the cats aren't used to that type of ninja-like dog.
2. Logan's girlfriend, who evidently is one of a litter of children in her house, came over and with the dog/cat situation I figured it was better to put the girls up in Logan's room, with something to do (read: TV or video games) to keep them 'self-contained' and out of the chaos of dogs/cats. Well....here's where things went from complicated to nuclear:
- Logan gets grounded for not doing chores or homework, etc. and loses her TV/DVD and after the last situation, she lost it indefinately. So- the TV/DVD/VCR has been in my office where I've used it to test discs and watch a movie half-heartedly while working (swap 'half-heartedly' with either 'movie watching' or 'working'--- it doesn't matter) so getting it back into Logan's room requires unplugging 2 power cords, 1 coaxial cable, and 1 a/v cable, and shifting the little table the 2 components sit on.
- I had the TV in my arms and the doorbell rang.
- Now....add in the fact that due to the dog/cat chaos...I had put Hamilton into his crate in my bedroom to keep him out of trouble/danger and out from underfoot. He is NOT happy about this and despite having a puppy k*ng with a dog biscuit smeared in peanut butter...he's barking/yelping/shrieking in frustration anyway.
- Add the doorbell and two giggly girls, and one larger dog.....to the equation of me in the office holding a TV trying to undo 4 cords/cables.....
- I turned, to set down the TV and caught the corner of the DVD/VCR component with the power cord from the TV (no, campers- I did not try to move this with things CONNECTED- I'm not THAT blonde) and the DVD/VCR slid off the table and crashed to the ground. Hmph.
-I darted out into the hallway, holding the TV, to see the girls (both are 8 years old) answering the door (which my daughter knows she's not supposed to do- it's a rule in our house- plus we're training the dog to react to the door....) and it's the FedEx guy who set my NEW SEWING MACHINE at the door and before I could react to it...the girls have opened the door and are now carting in my NEW SEWING MACHINE and trying to handle it like a couple of tipsy sorority girls carrying a baby grand piano.......
......SO.....let's turn this into a math equation as it's now like a very bad, scary, no-good story problem from hell:
1 Frazzled Mom
+ 2 giggly girls
+ 1 puppy aged 11 weeks
+ 1 large black 80-pound dog who chases cats
+ one short-tempered Siamese cat who doesn't like to be chased
+ one psychotic Burmese known for shredding people when he's chased by a dog
+ one 18" television set
+ one DVD/VCR combo
+ two power cords
+ an audio/video cable
+ one coaxial cable
+ one FedEx guy
+ one doorbell
+ a couple house rules
+ one NEW SEWING MACHINE
+ two girls with no coordination nor common sense......
See...this just equals HELL.
Where was my husband in all this?
Outside.
In the back yard.
By himself.
Shoveling snow and dog poop.
This.....is....what....happens...when....I....don't.....blog.
I now have a 20 oz cocktail and my hearing aids turned off. (sigh)
January 26, 2010 11:27 PM
ROFLMAO~ not only because, well, your hell and my hell are both...hell - but because I am getting ready...to post...right now...a post...about the same thing! AND...I'm linking to you. AGH.
You rock! I miss you.